2026
Choosing to become a solo mother
Category (s):
Parenting
Pregnancy
Welcome
.avif)
This account paints a portrait of women who chose to make their dream of becoming a mother come true, even on their own. Being a solo mother is a possible and accessible reality. These women, who have lived this experience fully, share their journey and their unique perspective.
Through these writings, you can better understand what motivates the women who decide to become solo mothers, the steps they have to go through, as well as the challenges they meet and the things that helped them along the way.
Looking at the demographics of many countries around the world, we see that women today are having their children at a later age than before. Statistics show that the 28-32 age group has overtaken the 18-25 group, a first in the history of perinatal care. This has an impact on women's fertility, which declines with age since the ovarian reserve grows thinner over time, and certain pregnancy and birth complications are more to be expected at a later age.
Many women and men today prefer not to commit too early in life, or too quickly to a steady relationship. Many now choose to live and stay single longer, and often want to finish their studies, travel, have a home they love and reach professional goals before committing to living as a couple and becoming parents. That leads them to put the baby plan off until later. Nor is this situation unrelated to the striking separation and divorce statistics recorded today. Living with someone, being together to have children, is no guarantee that you will spend the rest of your life as a family.
We often quietly cherish a more traditional family model, with a dad, a mom and babies to come. That model is not always possible to follow. The result of all this is that many women want children and time goes by quickly. Finding themselves alone and older, some women choose to have a baby on their own before it is too late, hoping that a man will join the two of them later on.
As one of the mothers who took part put it so well: “Fertility has an end, but there is no age limit for finding love.”
Sociologically, the traditional family model is clearly still the most readily accepted. Today's reality, however, shows us a great many family models: the nuclear family (a dad and a mom), couples with a large age gap (an older man with a younger woman), two moms, two dads, blended families, mothers or fathers raising their children alone after a breakup, adoptive parents, and women who decide to become solo mothers. Although the latter are still few in number, this trend is expected to keep growing over time.
You might wonder how this decision to be a mother on her own will be experienced by the woman. Within her family, her circle, and in the eyes of others?
Given the Judeo-Christian upbringing so often instilled from an early age, this new reality certainly goes against the grain; this way of approaching motherhood makes for a path that is “out of the ordinary,” as people say! But times change, and so do the options. Despite the greater openness toward different family arrangements, some women who decide to be solo mothers will feel judged as selfish, even crazy, and will try to explain and justify themselves in the face of the comments they receive. Others will feel guilty when they think of their future child, because they will have no father to introduce them to, and they may also dread how their child will react, further down the road, to their choice to have had them on their own.
Women who decide to have a child on their own are not “aliens,” not “crazy,” and not “irresponsible.”
They are most often women approaching their forties, that fateful age when the motherhood clock is ticking very loudly, which puts enormous pressure on them to act — otherwise the chance is gone. It is now or never!
Even though many of them voice their dream of one day being a mother as early as their twenties, they wait patiently for the ideal opportunity to come along: a steady relationship with the right man, her man, who will become her partner and the father of her children. Things do not always turn out the way we hope; that is why many of them say they kept a plan B in mind in case life decided otherwise.
That is why, as time goes on, the option of being a solo mother becomes more concrete — and even obvious — for many of them, and they begin the formal steps toward insemination.
Many of these women have met men who did not share the same desire to have children. Either they were not ready, or they had trouble making a formal commitment, or they already had children from previous relationships and did not want to go through fatherhood again; in short, not at all on the same wavelength.
These disappointed women come to feel that they need to overcome their fears and go ahead with this plan to become a mother, without putting it off until tomorrow, without depending on anyone, without waiting for all the pieces to possibly fall into place at the right moment.
It should also be said that some women love being single and deliberately choose to be on their own so they can live life their own way, with no compromises. They feel whole and happy, and their desire to be a mother is greater than their desire to be in a couple. That makes becoming a solo mother a very realistic option for them.
Often full of personality, these are independent, determined, resourceful women who are self-sufficient and very responsible, with a good job, a good income, often homeowners, and who say they are well surrounded by family and friends in this decision. They will be able to get support if they need it, and the baby will grow up with meaningful, loving people around them. That is what encourages them to take on this great life challenge.
All sorts of reasons can lie behind the decision to have a child on your own.
When asked about their motivation, some answer that they always knew they would be mothers one day in their life. That their desire for motherhood is such that taking steps to have a child comes naturally — it is visceral.
Others describe what they feel by saying it has always been a great dream. That they want to live this experience people call indescribable, that they have a lot of love to give and to share. That they adore children and want to enjoy family life.
These women say that at some point they had a “flash,” a “revelation,” a “jolt” that shook them. One that also led them to think differently about the rest of their lives. It came after questioning their life choices, after repeated romantic disappointments, a meaningful encounter with a solo mother, a leave from work for psychological distress, or the death of someone important in their circle, which awakened in them the desire to make their dreams come true while there is still time.
Every woman has her own story, her own life path and her own deep motivations. One thing is certain: being a mother was a priority in their life.
In the process of deciding to become a solo mother, it goes without saying that some preparation is advisable, so as not to skip over steps that are needed to properly assess the whole situation.
It all starts with a long-held dream, followed by careful thought about how to make that wish come true.
The women consulted for this account reveal that, even though they had been thinking about it for a good many years, they most often took between 6 months and 3 years to reflect and to begin the procedures.
The vast majority of women who decide to be solo mothers will turn to sperm banks, with known or unknown, anonymous donors — though some donors may have an open identity. That means the child will have the possibility, later in life, of knowing their biological father. They will then be able to learn more about their origins and their history, if they feel the need at some point.
Some mothers say they have photos of the donor, his personal and family history, related characteristics, a complete file of several dozen pages revealing many details about him, which they will be able to hand over to their child one day if the child wishes.
More rarely, some women will instead opt for at-home insemination with fresh sperm from a known donor. Going this route can make it possible to meet the donor, to talk together, and to make the experience more human, more intimate and less costly all at once.
They know it: they will never be both a mother and a father to their child. But they will do everything to be the best possible mother for them, for instance by making sure there are good people around, male figures to fill that missing presence in daily life.
Going through pregnancy alone, giving birth to your baby and then raising them on your own often raises questions and worries. But who doesn't have those when becoming a parent? A supportive network helps you feel less alone, because it surrounds you as you go through these different stages.
Still, over time, many solo mothers will say that they found some periods harder to get through than others. But those periods are still easier than imagining life without a child. They talk about the mental and psychological load of being the only responsible parent. Of also being the only figure of authority at home for a child who is completely dependent for a long time. It is a demanding role, but not an impossible one!
You have to be organized, responsible and patient, and to live one day at a time. To be in the present while trying to let go, as many of the mothers interviewed put it so well. You have to keep faith in your ability to be a mother and in the love that each of us has to give to our children.
Don't imagine that every stage of becoming a solo mother goes smoothly. Just as for a couple hoping to start a family, there is sometimes a big gap between what you want and what actually happens. As one of my participants sums it up so well:
“Even if you are set on becoming a solo mother, even if you planned ahead and are well prepared, it has to be said: the parent role is ‘packed' with the unexpected, alone or not.”
What was hardest for many women was all the stress that comes with such a process, and the failed attempts at conception they had to face, sometimes repeatedly. Every one of them puts body and soul into this project, and facing one or several setbacks affects your emotions by 200%.
When the pregnancy turns out to be harder — fatigue, nausea, complications, hospital stays — those are not rosy times, and you can feel very alone. Your desire has to be big and strong to stay the course and to remember the deep reason that brought you here: that dream of becoming a mother!
More broadly, many solo mothers have to deal with unkind comments or judgments from people around them, with recurring questions about the donor, with major expenses to cover on their own, sometimes with family conflicts and, finally, with living the first months with the baby mostly alone, even while they are recovering from the birth. Later on, some point to work-family balance as a big adjustment when you are on your own, and to taking on the parenting role solo through the child's various stages of development, including the “terrible twos.”
Often the challenges you meet open the way to solutions, with good people crossing your path at the right moment to soothe what you are going through and make life more pleasant.
When I asked the women taking part to tell me about the things that helped them throughout their journey, they had a lot to say, expressing all their gratitude for the good things life allowed them to experience.
Several things were certainly reassuring from the start for many of them, such as having a stable job, a good financial situation, a nice home, and a loving support network that was truly present. Added to that were lovely surprises, such as being accompanied by competent, reassuring and empathetic people throughout the conception journey and afterwards, at home. Discovering their neighbourhood, new perinatal resources, community support groups and even online groups specifically for solo mothers.
I then wanted to know what these women would say to another woman who is thinking, in turn, of becoming a solo mom. Here is what they said.
All the participants in my data gathering were unanimous about what they would say to a woman thinking of becoming a solo mom: “GO,” “Go for it,” “Listen to your heart,” “Make your dream come true,” “YES it is possible,” “It is a life choice that belongs to you,” “Don't wait for the perfect situation.”
Along with these first spontaneous reactions come a few further recommendations, directly tied to their own experience, such as:
In closing, becoming a solo mother is a defining life experience. The accounts gathered here, shared with so much authenticity and sincerity, are full of emotion, optimism and life. They show just how far the desire for motherhood can rise above every obstacle.
Here are three excerpts from mothers' testimonials that especially capture everything they have accomplished:
“It is the most beautiful experience of a lifetime.”
“The greatest gift is having been chosen by my child to be their mother. My child pushes me to be better, to give them the best example possible.”
“Becoming a mother is a chance to surpass myself every day and to give my child the best.”
The prenato.ca website and the comprehensive information it contains are intended as practical tools for expectant and new parents, as well as for women throughout the various stages of their lives. This information is not intended to replace the skills, knowledge, or experience of qualified healthcare professionals who are familiar with the specific facts, circumstances, and symptoms of each individual. Consequently, Prenato and its staff cannot be held liable for any adverse effects or consequences resulting from the use of the information provided on this site. It is the user's responsibility to consult a physician or a qualified healthcare professional appropriate to their specific needs for any personal health concerns.
Immerse yourself in the adventure of your pregnancy and follow your baby's journey through our personalized emails. Every two weeks, receive updates that are unique and tailored to your pregnancy, allowing you to track your little one's growth and development stages. Take advantage of valuable advice and information to accompany each magical moment of this adventure!
Prenato needs the contact information you provide to us in order to contact you about our products and services. You can unsubscribe from these communications at any time. See our Privacy Policy to learn more about how we unsubscribe, as well as our privacy policies and our commitment to protection and privacy.
From motherhood to menopause, Prenato accompanies each stage of your life with kindness, expertise and innovation.
